Mwanaume ni Effort

My friend,lets call her Winnie, has an okayjob . She could afford to feed, clothe and keep herself groomed. Problem is, she lives with this dead beat nigga who got laid off work 2 years ago and is still tarmacking. 2 years later. He has sat on his ass for 2 years sending out CV’s and going for interviews. 2 years. It hasn’t hit this 40something year old’s mind to devise a plan B, C and even D.  If one can’t get a job in their desired field, one applies to jobs outside the desired field or goes into business. If you are 40 years old, i assume that you have been in employment for about 13 years. If you got laid off and can’t get nobody to hire you, it means you were not very good at whatever you have done for 13 years. Time to finally grow some balls and re-strategize.

Newton’s first law of motion states that an object in motion tends to stay in motion, and an object at rest tends to remain at rest. This law applies to people. While some are naturally driven to complete projects, others are simply lazy. Laziness, a lifestyle for some, is a temptation for all. But the Bible is clear that, because the Lord ordained work for man, laziness is sin. The book of proverbs is full of lacklash for lazy ass nigga bitches;

  • “Go to the ant, you sluggard! Consider her ways and be wise” ( 6:6)
  • “The sluggard’s craving will be the death of him, because his hands refuse to work” (21:25);
  •  “As a door turns on its hinges, so a sluggard turns on his bed” (26:14)
  • “He who is slothful in his work is a brother to him who is a great waster” (18:9)
  • “Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in slave labor” (12:24)
  • “The soul of the lazy man desires and has nothing; but the soul of the diligent shall be made rich” (13:4 )

How does a grown ass African able-bodied sane minded husband and a father, sit at home and let a woman feed him and his kids. What does he do all day, watch Nigerian movies and gossip with the help? Does he cook and clean the kids, does he pop the kids? Should she fire the help and have him take care of the home? What does he do all day at home? Does she give him money every 2 weeks to get his hair cut? Does he get an allowance? Does she pay his cell phone bills? When he goes for interviews, does she give him lunch money?

Times are tough for us all and one needs to suck it up and do what needs to be done to earn a living. Not being able to secure employment is not a good enough excuse.  Start a business, start selling Newspapers outside your gate for all i care. Sell sweets inside a citi hoppa. Get your lazy ass off the sofa and bring home the bacon dammit. Lazy men who refuse to put on their hustle are the scum on earth. They don’t deserve to eat. They should all starve to death. Useless.

Mwanaume ni effort.




Life, Uncategorized

I call it how I see it

I had lunch with a friend  of mine on Saturday. This blog has made people think that i am some relationship Auntie and they feel the need to fungua roho with me. I don’t mind much, gives me something to write about. But some girls have drama, lord!! This girl lives with a man who cheats on her, beats on her and makes her pay half the rent. He was the perfect gentleman when they met. Then 6 months into it, he stopped calling or picking up her calls, he was suddenly busy all day and all weekend, had plans with the boys all the time, had other friends to see. She insisted on loving the man and went and got herself knocked up, then moved in with him. Its been 3 years and he has never introduced her to his folks, not named her son after his lineage. The man has not done anything to remotely suggest that he wants my friend in his life but she stays. Rubbish.

Yes, i said it, that’s utter rubbish. I am sick of worthless women playing victim. No one forces a woman to stay in an unhealthy relationship. If one is that unhappy, they can up and go. Two options, suck it up like a grown woman and live with it or leave. Freaking leave. Don’t bore the rest of us with your pitiful self-inflicted pain. Christ!! This applies to my girl friends and the rest of us walking around like the world owes us a freaking favor. We go around blaming everyone but ourselves for shit, the truth is, we are the ones who choose to take it and we blame other people so that we don’t seem foolish. We play out scenarios and cut out parts to suit our egos and make us seem like the victims.

I understand that indeed, some of us are victims of circumstances. Like when we are treated unfairly and taken advantage of when we young and naïve. I know that there are situations where we can truly say we didn’t know better. However, when we are older, more mature and we know the damned difference, there is simply no excuse. Stupidity isn’t a cleaver disguise or a plausible means towards leniency.

You are foolish if you insist on staying with a man who; Cheats.Is abusive ; Physically and emotionally.Is a narcissist, wouldn’t care if you lived or died as long as he can still gerrit and you can show him off to your friends because he is rich and hot. You are foolish if you stay a married man’s mistress for years on end because you are content with sticking around and playing the part of someone else’s cold leftover dinner. You are dumb as fuck if you fall for this ‘friends with benefits’ crap. Making your pussy someones walk in closet. You are foolish if you stay with a man who dictates all the terms of the relationship to suit his little mind so that he can continue seeing other people and has the okay to come over only when its convenient for them, which never is for you.

In the end, you make your choices. You choose to be there. So what does that make you? stop reading now because this shit is about to hurt.  If you take crap, you are stupid, desperate, gutless, absurdly asinine, and worthy of all the bad treatment you are getting. You are not worth of pity or a humanitarian award. If anything, you deserve what you are getting and then some. You have no one to blame but yourself. You are the fool. You are the one with egg on her face. You are the one who will lose everything before you get to know what its like to have it all.

I wonder, are you that empty inside that you will insist on loving a man who will never give you anything because he believes that you are not good enough? If so then you are hopeless. There is nothing anyone can do or say to make you realize that you are of your own wrong doing. You are your own maker of misery and your life will forever remain a phantom in the shadow of what you once envisioned of yourself.

So to my Saturday lunch date, spare me your self-pity. Its your fault when you settle for the piddly scraps you have chosen, not his, not mine, not your friends. I don’t care about your problems. You are sad and dick whipped, brain less and too spineless to realize the truth. This may seem cruel, even a bit morose for me to judge my kind for being obtuse idiots, but we must call it as it is.  People who settle for what they get deserve everything they get and I’ll be damned if I have to sit through another lunch and hand out heartfelt regards to little girls who only deserve to be called out for being irrelevant frivolous fools.

I’ll be damned.


Code of Conduct – For side whores

The world is full of married men. And thus, the world is full of mistresses, Clandes, or whatever name women sleeping with married men go by. Think of Linda Muthama and Cecilia Mwangi. Whatever the arrangement, single women are involved with married men. Today, I play devil’s advocate. I say, if you decide to be bad, be damn sure to be very good at it. Let me start by saying, if a married man is involved with you, never forget that he loves and is committed to his wife. He doesn’t love you, if he did, he’d be creeping on you, not with you. You are just his play thing, his whore on the side. Do not make the mistake of equating sex with love. Don’t assume that if he is having sex with you, he loves you and doesn’t love her, when the complete is more often than not true. Men can love their wives and sleep with other women. Its fun for them, they get to have their cake and eat it too. OK, lets do this, lets set up a code of conduct.

Be very discreet. You don’t need to let your people know that you are someone else’s alternative and you don’t need his people knowing about you. Do all you can to make sure that his wife never even suspects because, babe, when he is forced to choose between his wife and kids and you, you will lose. ‘Aint no ones bidness but mine and my baby’

Be prepared to work harder than his wife to hold on to him. You are very easy to dispose, she is not. This means that you can’t voice your opinions too loudly or get upset with him too often. You should be hotter and more interesting than his other options, and you should make him happy. Always. Whatever it takes to make him happy, you should be ready to do.

When he is with you, make that time memorable, make his toes curl. Give him something to smile about late at night when his boring wife is dead asleep from the fatigue of making him a home, make sure he misses you. Be his perfect little doll, really listen to him, laugh at his jokes, cook all his favorite meals and fuck him like a porn star.  Love him like mad, earn his trust, and bend to his needs. Give him that unconditional love that he yearns for. Let him understand that there is nothing he can’t trust you with, that your world is centered around the life you have with him. Your life is here and now with him. Don’t fuss about the future, he needs you to live in the moment with him. Those are the things he needs from you. Be his fantasy girl. Don’t whine and pout. He has enough reality back at home. Be his perfect thrill.

This doesn’t by any means require you to be a doormat. Remember that this relationship must be build on trust, intimacy and respect, just as any other relationship. Usually long-term affairs are affairs of the intellect as well as affairs of the heart and body. So be sharp, challenge his head, and share ideas. Let him know that you are more than just easy, cheap pussy. Your head functions just fine.

It helps to be a very independent woman who thrives on challenges and enjoys being alone. Everything you tell him should be an ego-booster. Do not criticize him. Look at what you have as more of an arrangement than a relationship. You cannot ask a married man to be your boyfriend, because he is just not available to fulfill that role. You have to accept that you are sharing him with his wife and more often than you care to accept, a host of other women.

Keep some personal space and time. Don’t be available to him whenever it’s convenient to him (and his wife). Make sure he understands and respects that you have a life outside of him, and you actually have fun with your other friends.  You are not his servant; you are his respected whore on the side. Don’t play games with him. You are a grown woman and no one forced you to enter into the arrangement, so when things dont go as you had planned, don’t threaten the man. Manipulating, threatening to disclose the affair and childish games and antics only make you look immature and threatened, and certainly unattractive. The games will only serve to make him question why he’s hooked up with such a nut case.

I understand that you will most probably be insanely jealous of his wife, resist the urge to demean her in front of him. You shouldn’t even know his wife. Pretend she doesn’t exist. Don’t bother finding out where she works, what she drives, how they relate. She is none of your business. The relationship is about the two of you. Plus there is no need being catty about her, he chooses to stay with her, you are the one trying to take something that isn’t yours, so you’re in no position to judge her. Keep her out of it …you home wrecker.

Having an affair with a married man is not a game. Being a mistress isn’t glamorous; it’s nothing to be proud about. The likelihood of getting hurt is very high. He will never leave his wife even when he gets caught. Even then, he will do all that is humanly possible to make things right with his wife, first on that list will be breaking up with that home wrecking whore.  You will get hurt, keep that in mind and question your motives very carefully. If you find a mutual attraction with a married man ask yourself if you really want to pursue this relationship knowing that you will spend holidays alone and that you will always take a back seat to his family. You will never be free to introduce him to your friends and family, you will never wake up in his arms or spend lazy Sunday afternoon’s watching reruns. By dating a married man, you waste your time and your youth because he aint never going to leave his wife.

But I am sure you have plenty of years to waste now, don’t you?

Whatever rocks your boat hun’.

Relationships that start off in deception usually end in deception