My mother once told me to marry a man who loved me more than I could possibly love him. As a girl, I thought it silly, why would I want to wake up next to a man I didn’t love? I have dated a man I could jump off a cliff for. I was the more affectionate, wanted to kiss him all the time, be lovey dovey with him. I consumed myself trying to make him realize that I loved him, loved him more than I loved myself. All I got from him was emotional abuse of every form . He treated me like the gum on the bottom of his shoes and that made me love him with more intensity. Hoping that if I loved him more, supported him enough, stayed longer, maybe he would love me back, maybe he would appreciate me. What a silly cliché little girl I was. As a grown woman I now realize what my mother and women before her know; A woman should marry the man who would take a bullet for her, who thinks the sun rises and sets on her ass, a man who would drink her bath water.
God seems to agree…. The bible tells us in 1 John 4:19 ‘Christ loved us first and laid down his life as a necessary sacrificial gesture of his love for his “wife” the church. This He did in the hopes that when we fully understand and appreciate His love for us which He showed not by words but by His sacrificial gesture we would in response become loving beings; Loving God and everyone around us (including our enemies, as the bible commands). In Ephesians 5; 25-33, the bible says and I quote, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh”. Nowhere in the bible is it commanded for a woman to love her husband. Women are commanded to respect and be submissive to their husbands. Obey, not love.
I know I come off selfish but the real issue with love is vulnerability, the need to be secure enough to give everything to that one person knowing that they also give you everything. No one wants to be with someone who is just ‘with’ them; no one wants to feel used or taken for granted. Man or woman, no one wants to be the fool in love. I don’t think a man would want to stay with a woman he clearly was more invested in than she was in him. I am not saying don’t love him at all, rather, try to find a man who is more vested in you than you are in him so that the threat of heartbreak is lessened.
No relationship is ever going to be 50/50, but when a woman is loved, she learns to love.